The Vegas Spy excerpt

I'm at about 11,000 words today (11,302 to be exact,) and I thought I'd post a little bit of my novel.  Here's the first page and a half:

   Thadump, thadump.

   Let me just say that riding in the trunk of a car is no fun at all.

   Thadump, thadump.

   Especially if you’ve just been kidnapped by strangers, stuffed into a burlap sack, and the car you’ve just been thrown in is doing about ninety on a small dirt road.

   Thadump, thadump.

   If I die in here, I want to make sure someone knows what happened.  I want to document this, but I don’t know how.

   I guess I could just recap the story so far, or, just tell what I can remember of it.

   I was staying home alone the night it happened.  My parents and little brother were at a restaurant, and if you’re wondering why I wasn't with them, it’s because I was grounded.  (Hey, I didn’t mean to destroy the garage.)

   Anyway, I had just made myself a sandwich, and was walking across the kitchen, when I saw him out the window over the sink.

   It was a tall man in a black trench coat, wearing a large hat pulled down about halfway over his face, which was obscured by sunglasses and a large unkempt beard. 

   He was standing at the edge of the front yard facing my house. 

   I blinked.  Was he really looking at me?  It was hard to tell because I couldn’t see his face very well.  The part I could see, though, looked very pale and ghost-like.

   I was about to call the cops, when he did something that really freaked me out: with a bright flash of white light, his shape warped, and a split second later it changed to a small child.  I almost screamed. 

   That isn’t possible! I thought. Is it?

   With another flash, the kid became an old lady who looked like the librarian in my town.  Flash.  This time what looked like a pro wrestler.  Flash.  A man eating a banana.  Flash…

   This went on for about seven minutes, when I thought (again) about calling the police.  But I didn’t.  I couldn’t.  I was mesmerized. 

   Just then, I saw the brightest flash of all, and the figure (which at the moment looked a lot like my uncle somehow) vanished.

   Ding, dong!

   Well.  That was a little disappointing.  I mean, I was expecting some explosion or gunshot, or something, like in horror movies.  I didn’t think the doorbell would just ring.  

   Disappointing, yet relieving, but still just a little creepy.  Like someone could still come up from behind and grab me.  I’m a sort of paranoid person, I guess.                               

   So a mysterious man in the front yard changes into a different person, disappears, and then (I think he) rings the doorbell.  What do you do?  This seems like a no brainer to me. 

   But still, I headed towards the door.  I still don’t know what made me do it.  What made me make one of the dumbest choices of my life.

   As I walked through the house, I heard something that scared me most of all, though I don’t really know why. 

   It was a voice coming from nowhere, whispering my name, Brian Montague, over and over.  It was freaky; even worse than an explosion, in some way that I didn’t understand.  

   I then reached the door, and opened it.  I didn’t see anyone there, and of course, that’s when someone (I couldn’t tell who it was, or what they looked like,) jumped out from nowhere, hit me over the head and knocked me out.  I didn’t wake up for a long time.

So there it was.  I'm not sure how good my book is, especially because it's just a first draft, but I'm hoping I can revise it and make it into a decent novel.